See the UCBW MegaStars every Thursday at 11 PM at the UCB Theatre's CageMatch, and special Saturdays at midnight for Pay Per View events.

Follow us on twitter! @UCBW

"If you think that pro wrestling—with it's soap opera story arcs, fake moves and silly costumes—couldn't be funnier or more ridiculous than it already is, watch it get mocked by these UCBT performers."
—Time Out New York

"The WWE is pretty hilarious on its own, but the UCB Theatre’s wrestling federation, the UCBW, pays such good attention to the details of the genre, it feels less like a satirical mockery and more of a hyper-hilarious homage to the dramatic sport. It’s impossible not to get caught up in their hysteria."
—New York Press

"The price of admission gets you a whole seat, but you only need the edge."
—Flavorpill

To submit a MegaStar application, please e-mail UCBW.info@gmail.com.

Aug 17
Permalink

The Love Lounge #2 w/ The King of Hearts

This Thursday, UCBW CageMatch returns from a one-week hiatus.  The King of Hearts (accompanied by his associate, UCBW Women’s Champion The Jewish American Princess) is set to open a challenge to be accepted by one brave UCBW MegaStar.  Leading up to this week’s show, the leader of The Royal Court will present his own unique love advice column.  Here is the next entry.

Dear King of Hearts,
I am a 27 year old woman engaged for the first time in my life to a wonderful man who already has three children.  I’m very much in love with him, but he is extremely involved with his ex-wife about child-rearing issues.  I don’t mean to be jealous or resentful, but I wonder if he has room for me in his life.  Do you think I should go through with the marriage?
Sincerely,
Bride to Be

Dear Bride,
My answer to your question is dependent upon whether or not you’re attractive. If you are attractive, then I suggest that you go through with the marriage, but only after being impregnated with my royal seed.  This will force your future husband to rear children with superior genetic material to his own.  Upon realizing how worthless they are compared to my spawn, his biological children will kill themselves, leaving him with plenty of time to take care of you and my offspring. However, if you are unattractive, I suggest that you do NOT go through with the marriage.  Ugly people should not breed and do not deserve happiness.
Go pee in the woods and kill yourself,
KOH

The Love Lounge #1

If you’d like to have your own romantic conundrums solved by The King, please e-mail UCBW.info@gmail.com.

Comments (View)