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—Time Out New York

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Aug 18
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The Love Lounge #4 w/ The King of Hearts

This Thursday, UCBW CageMatch returns from a one-week hiatus.  The King of Hearts (accompanied by his associate, UCBW Women’s Champion The Jewish American Princess) is set to open a challenge to be accepted by one brave UCBW MegaStar.  Leading up to this week’s show, the leader of The Royal Court will present his own unique love advice column.  Here is the next entry.

Dear King of Hearts,
I am a 25 year old man in love.  But there’s a problem: the woman I’m in love with has a boyfriend.  I really want to tell her how I feel about her, but I’m worried that it’s “wrong.”  What should I do?
Sincerely,
Coveting Loveting

Dear Coveting,
You’ve got to tell her how you feel.  The longer you let your feelings fester inside of you, the worse you’ll feel and the more the problem will grow.  You know how you feel about her and you know what you want: so tell her!  By being honest you’ll feel better.  Then, when she tells you that she loves her boyfriend more than you, you’ll kill yourself.  Then I’ll feel better.
Go pee in the woods and kill yourself,
KOH

The Love Lounge #1
The Love Lounge #2
The Love Lounge #3

If you’d like to have your own romantic conundrums solved by The King, please e-mail UCBW.info@gmail.com.

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