UCBW CageMatch recap: Jan. 31st ‘08
Last night, American Heroes ConEdison made their long-awaited return to the UCBW Arena wearing the blue and red of the NFC Champion New York Giants. Amidst cheers and chants of “USA! USA!”, Constantine and Uncle Eddie reminded the crowd why they are among the most popular MegaStars in the UCBW.
Even the loss of ConEd favorite Rudy Giuliani from the Presidential campaign couldn’t sour the heroes’ spirits on this night. After a colorful promo from the enigmatic Constantine, Uncle Eddie announced that since the UCBW had been saved from the evil Foreigners, they were going return to their fight for the UCBW Tag Team Championship. A number one contender’s match was set up for later that night pitting ConEdison versus Huge and a mystery partner.
Chuck McMahon, making his debut at the announce table next to TT Billingsworth, announced to the crowd that this match would be contested under the popular “Football Rules.” Huge unveiled his mystery partner to be the return of Alf, one of the most hated MegaStars in the history of the UCBW. Uncle Eddie and Huge started things off, and it seemed that Huge was just too much for the fan favorite. Eddie had difficulty getting past Huge’s line of scrimmage, and was dominated by the Scandinavian Giant’s Earthquake Stomp and dreaded NordicTrack maneuvers.
Finally making a hot tag to Constantine, the more flamboyant member of ConEd started cleaning house. He delivered the Shocker to Huge, followed by his patented new Moustache Ride maneuver. The former champions were then able to deliver their Final Notice tandem combination, and were setting up Huge for a running football punt to the skull, when suddenly a red flag was thrown into the ring. The Pledge emerged wearing a Tom Brady jersey and carrying Frat Boy’s UCBW Championship, and insisted that referee Pat Baer review the play on his tiny monitor. With Pat Baer and Uncle Eddie distracted, UCBW Champion Frat Boy entered wearing a Randy Moss jersey, The Pledge tossed him the Championship Belt a la the AFC Champion Patriots, and Frat Boy promptly clobbered Constantine with the belt. This allowed Huge to set up Constantine for a football punt, and Uncle Eddie accidentally kicked his partner by mistake — or was it? There looked to be some tension between America’s Heroes. Huge tagged in Alf, getting his first action of the match, who delivered a Melmac Stunner to Constantine for the pinfall and the number one contendership to the Tag Titles. Thanks to interference by The Fraternity, ConEdison’s Tag Team Championship dreams were dashed.
Post-match proceedings featured the debut of Dr. Fujimora. At first, he won over the crowd with his goofball demeanor, but soon had them booing him out of the arena with insults and proclamations that he had invented IMDB.com and a talking breakfast. He introduced the new number one contenders, and told Huge that he wanted to manage him to the Championships, but he needed a different partner than the untalented, cat-eating Alf. Huge and his new manager brutally attacked Alf, and continued the beating as CageMatch went off the air.
Improv Division:
Fat Penguin (champion, 2-0) defeated
T.R.U.C.K.S. (challenger, 0-1)
