UCBW CageMatch recap: Feb. 7th ‘08
Last night, The Fraternity was supposed to address the crowd regarding last week’s brutal assault on ConEdison, followed by Frat Boy’s first defense of the UCBW Championship against an unnamed competitor. However, Frat Boy called in with a Super Bowl and Mardi Gras-induced hangover, and was unable to be at the UCBW Arena to defend the title. But The Pledge was there to take his place, and he could barely get a word out before the crowd started booing him mercilessly. He verbally assaulted everyone from the fans, to the Super Bowl Champion New York Giants, to the striking Writers Guild. The diminutive Fraternity Brother reminded the sold out crowd that the Frat Boy has been reigning as Champion for nearly two months, and The Fraternity intends on taking over the entire UCBW.
The celebration was cut short as the owner of the UCBW, Chuck McMahon, made his way to the ring. The crowd roared as he told the Pledge that everybody in the Arena wanted him to shut the hell up. He announced that despite the fact that the Frat Boy was unable to defend the Championship, there would be a match tonight. To the noticable dismay of The Pledge, it would be himself against a new competitor known as The Cowboy. Not prepared for in-ring competition, The Pledge retreated to the locker room with Chuck McMahon close behind.
The jovial, kindhearted Cowboy quickly won over the UCBW faithful with gun tricks and square dancing. The Pledge was not amused, and showing no fear against the significantly larger Cowboy, he immediately began slapping away at the southerner’s chest. Cowboy was unfazed, and unleashed his impressive arsenal of rodeo maneuvers. First, he rode the The Pledge as if he were on a horse with the Bucking Bronco. Then, as the Pledge lay helpless on the ring floor, Cowboy began kicking away with the dancing Texas Two-Step. The Pledge, never a fan of rules, gave the Cowboy a low blow beneath the holster, followed by the ass-rubbing Facebook maneuver. But The Cowboy was accustomed to the smell of manure, and set up the Quickdraw, repeatedly slapping The Pledge in the face with swift duel-like action. With The Pledge on dream street, The Cowboy grabbed his adversary’s genitals and began Milking the Cow.
Frustrated that he was unable to use any kind of successful offense, The Pledge retreated backstage and returned with an ice cold Miller Genuine Draft, The Cowboy’s favorite beer. Before offering the drink, The Fraternity Brother turned his back on his opponent, and roofied the beer to weaken the fan favorite. Despite cries from the pleading crowd not to drink the beer, The Cowboy couldn’t resist the MGD. The Texas native was noticeably drugged, and fell on the ring floor. The Pledge was able to deliver the patented Secret Handshake finishing maneuver, which looked odd with the absent Frat Boy unable to participate. Thinking he had the match won, The Pledge went for the first pinfall of the contest. But referee Pat Baer was only able to score a two-count before American Heroes ConEdison stormed the ring. In a clear retaliation from last week’s blatant attack, Constantine distracted referee Pat Baer while Uncle Eddie gave The Pledge a superkick to the face. Eddie placed the still dazed Cowboy on top of the Pledge for the pinfall and win. A successful debut for The Cowboy with a victory in his first matchup.
Business has surely picked up in this rapidly developing feud between ConEdison and The Fraternity. With The Brothers causing the American Heroes to lose their Tag Team Championship opportunity last week, and Uncle Eddie and Constantine teaming up to result in an embarrassing loss for The Pledge this week — what is to come in this budding rivalry? Keep your browsers tuned to UCBW.info for all the latest!
Improv Division: Derrick (challenger, 1-0) defeated Fat Penguin (champion, 2-1)
