WrestleSlamMania VI Results!

LAST NIGHT, we set a WORLD INDOOR ATTENDANCE RECORD of 167,000 comedy wrestling fans who packed the UCBW Arena! It was a night of shocking conclusions, surprises, and emotional farewells. Here are the exciting results:
- In the first matchup of the evening, The Jewish American Princess successfully retained her Women’s Championship against Lady Liberty after Wall $treet delivered the Market Crash to the challenger. This proved to be integral for later in the card.
- Panda (along with Dr. Fujimora), not seen since the fall, was victorious against newcomer Father Nelson (along with his Altar Boy) in a match that included holy water, serious (not silly) string, a Super Glove, and lots of humping. Father Nelson was impressive in defeat, and comedy wrestling fans are wondering what’s next for the worshiping duo.
- In what might be considered a shocking upset, the new partnership of Beach Cop & The Fire Man defeated The Brooks Brothers in a relatively brief match, ending Drake & Prescott’s nearly year-long impressive reign as Tag Team Champions. As the boys from Martha’s Vineyard lamented their loss and took out their frustrations on the crowd, “The Manly Man” Randy Manly appeared to save the fans from their misery, and tossed out the former champs, seemingly forever! Will we ever hear from The Brooks Brothers again? Only one thing’s for sure: “Oooooooooh, yes indeed!”
- In a highly anticipated matchup, CakeFace overcame the odds of an army of bedbugs to defeat The Bedbug in a thrilling encounter. As the inaugural Hardcore Champion, and a former UCBW Champion, one must wonder if gold is in CakeFace’s sights for the near future.
- In an emotionally charged battle, Wall $treet successfully defended the UCBW Championship against The King of Hearts. Due to the shenanigans of the night’s opening contest, Referee Robot Riley banned The JAP from ringside before the match began. Without her at ringside, The King seemed to have Wall $treet’s number, and was primed to win the UCBW Championship. But after Riley was knocked out from an accidental chairshot, there was no referee to count the pin. Thankfully another masked man wearing the zebra stripes ran to the ring, but only counted to two, grabbed the steel chair, and attacked King of Hearts. He removed the mask, popped his pink collar, and revealed himself to be Little Brother, not seen since he lost the UCBW Championship nearly a year ago. Wall $treet was able to then revive Robot Riley, win the match, and shockingly retain his title. Who is next in line for Wall $treet’s belt, and will King of Hearts be looking for ReVengeance?
- In perhaps the most anticipated match in UCBW history, Whole Lotta Denim pinned Marz in his final match while Mr. Olympia was knocked out in the ring to retain the Hardcore Championship. In a match that included a cameo appearance from Papa John himself, Whole Lotta Denim reversed Marz’s signature maneuver, the Final Orbit, into a small package to pick up a quick three-count out of nowhere. Marz sat in the ring with his arms resting on his knees, in awe of what had just occurred. After the match, the entire UCBW stable entered the ring, let bygones be bygones, and wished Marz adieu as he delivered his farewell speech. Marz then passed Lady Liberty’s symbolic torch to the victor, Whole Lotta Denim.
WHAT A NIGHT. Photos to come!
